My thoughts and how I perceive situations has really been on my heart lately. I have been praying lately and asking Abba to help me really change the way I think. I think what I mean by that is that I desire Him to help me have thoughts that are bound in His truth and not lies that the old evil one desires for me to take hold of and be defeated by. Our thoughts have so much power over the health of our bodies. I have come to understand that satan (I don't even like to utter that "s" word:} desires to wound us and ultimately destroy us and he often attacks us at our first line of defense which is our thoughts. While in the midst of pondering my path recently, Abba has revealed more insight to an avenue that has set me off my path at times, that avenue is my very own thoughts! When I allow wrong thinking into my mind and let it take hold, it steals my rest and my peace and causes me to forget the forgiveness that Abba has told me is mine. I first began to understand some of these things a couple of years ago after my grandma passed away and before that it was an issue when my oldest son turned 18 and moved away from home, although at that time I really had no idea that there was hope for it or even what "it" was that was taking place in me and causing so much sadness. It was during these times of difficulty especially that I was focusing on every short coming I ever had. Thoughts about my own selfishness, foolishness, fears, etc., just plain regret for all the things I wasn't, all the things I didn't do, things I had done and all the things I can't take back, or give back now.
Recently I have been talking to my Abba (who is so amazing and wonderful) about this topic again because it still creeps in to me at times. He knows my weaknesses and desires to show me His compassion. You know how at times He just opens things up to you? Well after my grandma died I was so overtaken with regrets and broken heartedness but in the midst of that I had no where to go but to Him and Abba showed me what His true rest meant and how it applies to us...I began to understand that true rest (for this problem) was being willing to walk in what He says is true and not what I think or feel is true, no matter how HARD I think it, it doesn't make it true! In an hour of deep remorse and regret, He gave me His amazing forgiveness and showed me that it was actually sin to NOT accept it, believe in it and rest in it and I was NOT to pick up the thoughts and feelings of regret anymore! That was an amazing revelation!!
Well, I'd like to tell you that now that Abba has taught me this amazing truth I no longer look back in regret, I no longer think negative thoughts, I am healed of wrong thinking! No. However, Abba is speaking to my heart. He desires to restore a right spirit within me for all time, for everyday, for every situation. He knows that satan comes to steal and Abba has a "way" to defeat satan and Abba desires to write that "way" upon my heart.
The other day as I was considering how I occasionally still think about things and I was asking Abba to help me, He brought another thought to my mind and it was this: Why so often when I look back on memories or sometimes photos, etc. do I have such a sense of regret and sadness instead of thoughts of happiness? I couldn't answer the question. I don't know. But, I continued on in my quest to renew my thoughts with Abba's WORD, thinking in scripture, not letting thoughts of negativity take root. Then today, I sat down at my computer with every intent to put all of my collected Passover materials into more "organized" organization...(that makes me laugh a little) but one thing led to another and I ended up on a blog that I have only been to maybe once before, a blog called "She Looketh Well...". What she wrote about in her last entry was EXACTLY what Abba had just spoken to me, only she wrote it in a way that was so clear to me! I had never heard anyone say that they had the same thing happen to them...never! It was wonderful to read what she had written. She had two posts that related to this, the first one was:
Freedom is Sweet and the next one was: Guilt and Shame
It was so amazing to see that everything Abba has been teaching me on this matter was being confirmed in someone else and He even brought more clearly to light so that I could receive it.
2Co 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Messiah;
And I believe it is for this purpose:
Pro 17:22 A rejoicing heart causes good healing, But a stricken spirit dries the bones. (the Scriptures)
Pro 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. (KJV)
Abba created us and He knows quite well that all areas of our lives in which we allow satan to take hold of, he will use it to wound us and ultimately destroy us if possible. But Abba has given us a "way" that leads not unto death!
What an amazing Father we have. His mercies are new to me every day. I am always so amazed that He considers me in my need and weaknesses!
1Ch 17:16-20 And David the king came and sat before YHWH, and said, Who am I, O YHWH God, and what is mine house, that thou hast brought me hitherto?
And yet this was a small thing in thine eyes, O God; for thou hast also spoken of thy servant's house for a great while to come, and hast regarded me according to the estate of a man of high degree, O YHWH God.
What can David speak more to thee for the honour of thy servant? for thou knowest thy servant.
O YHWH, for thy servant's sake, and according to thine own heart, hast thou done all this greatness, in making known all these great things.
O YHWH, there is none like thee, neither is there any God beside thee, according to all that we have heard with our ears.
This afternoon at our study, we listened to Brad Scott and he just happened (just happened? Not really, no such thing as coincidence) to mention that we should NEVER look back in regret because where we have come from is ultimately what has brought us to where we are today...and (this is me speaking now) if that place is closer to Abba then that is His perfect plan in action. Only Abba has the power to turn darkness into light...satan only "appears" to be light, Abba is the true light!
I pray that I can allow myself, mind and body, to be a sacrifice by allowing Abba to be what He says He is in me.
I want to add one last thought...when men of the scriptures prayed to Abba and when Yahushuah was faced by satan who tried to get Him to stray from Abba's WORD, they either prayed Abba's WORD or spoke it. Why? Because the power over death and hell is in Abba's WORD. His WORD alone spoke life into existence "In The Beginning", His WORD alone reins over death!